Monday, March 8, 2010


"I want to be fat - because then I don't have to face the world. I want to hide on my couch eating and watching TV because it makes all the ugly feelings go away and me feel comfortable (at least until the regretting part kicks in) I want to keep my eight, because then nobody expects anything from me - not my friends, not people at work. I have an excuse to not go out to bars/clubs/wherever where I have to be present and are being looked at. I want to be the fat, grumpy, depressed girl in the corner, because people leave me alone and don't come up and talk to me. I want to be fat - because then I have an excuse for not finding a partner... I want to be fat because then I won't feel exposed to the world." ~ Jules
This was posted on a WL blog by a wonderful woman named Lyn who I have been following on and off the last couple of years. I got shivers when I read that comment on Lyn's blog. I realized that is exactly how I am feeling. Yesterday I get on the scale for the first time since Wed. I was down another 4 pounds!! Sweet. What do I do I start eating on plan and then I completely go off get cookies, and candy bars. WTH is wrong with me? I realized I am back to my self sabotage ways. This is the lowest weight I have been in a year. I should be ecstatic this work is working 18.4 pounds since February?? I should so excited. But, no it scares me like it always does. Loosing weight means a new life a new me. I realized this morning when I read that comment that I am so far away from my goal of loving myself the way I am now yet I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I need to keep up the good thoughts and realize that I am worth being healthy. Yesterday morning I was at *11 pounds and this morning I was at *16 pounds while I know its not logical to gain 5 pounds over night it is probably water weight due to the fact that I ate stuff that I am allergic to and am retaining water I am gonna get back on game plan drink my 100 ounces of water and lost of protein and veggies today!

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