Friday, February 26, 2010

Forget the past. No one becomes successful in the past.

Forget the past. No one becomes successful in the past.
I first read the above quote and I was like I agree but: We need to learn from our past we can't just ignore it. I know we need to move on and not dwell but we also need to use it as a learning experience. Then I read the translation for it and it was:
Reminiscing about the past is something everyone does. We think about moments we wished happened different and wonder, what if? But no matter how much time we spend thinking about what could have been; the past will remain the same. But the past is still useful. Instead of wondering what if, use the experience to do something different the next time. Find the courage to ride that roller coaster, approach someone at a bar, or go play a pick-up game of basketball. You cannot go back in time and make that game-winning shot from high school, but you can make a game-winning shot tomorrow. Learn from the past, but live in the present.
I was talking the other day to one of my good online buddies and we were discussing weight loss. I had previously lost 80 pounds and last time when I talked to her that was where I was at in my weight loss journey. Then something mentally happened I am not quite sure what it was, but I started freaking out. Guys were hitting on me when I went out with friends, people were paying attention to me! I am sure as your reading this your like what on earth she should be rejoicing that. I can be honest with you IT SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME!!!
So, what did I do? Rather, then being smart about it and start the discovering myself journey I turned to my old friend food. Slowly, but surely I put all that weight back on. I stopped working out food became my friend again. I am allergic to wheat and dairy recently found that out and O yes they are my comfort food. I tried over the last year unsuccessfully to start back on the wagon but it was not working at all something wasn't clicking.
As I sit here 2 years from the start of that last journey also 2200 miles away from where I physically was and 13 pounds from where I was at my heaviest. I can tell you is I did not love myself the way I was. No matter how many times I look at the last three years in my life as much as I wanted to fake I was happy I was not. How am I supposed to make a change in my life so drastic while dealing with the emotional roller coaster of loosing weight when I didn't love myself? You don't love yourself you start listening to the negative talk that you have about yourself. " I am a failure whats the point" "I gained 3 pounds I always screw it up" O and my favorite " I didn't eat well this morning I am a failure might as well keep eating". Yes I binged last night but hey its not the end of this journey instead its a wake up call to find a new way to deal with my emotions get on here and blog do something other then eat.
So, while I should not live in the past and dwell on what I did wrong. I need to learn from it. Nothing is to be regretted as long as you learned from the experience. That is what life is, is a learning experience. So I am going to pick up my size 24 pants (still a size down from where I was 4 years ago) and keep on trudging through this muck of a mind I have made for myself and figure out why I think so negatively about myself.

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