Friday, April 23, 2010

Where did it go????

So, I lay here in bed. Reading weight loss blogs hoping somewhere I will find the motivation to get my arse up and do something like I don't know go for a walk or something. I weighed today and I am back down to 311 hopefully it stays that way! I went to bed after midnight I watched the movie Avatar. Came to bed and stayed up for a little bit longer playing my apps on facebook. Then I heard my stupid room mate talking to the girl that Jimmy had over last night (FYI I like her!). That was at 6Am so needless to say I slept very little last night and am tired, but not enough to take a nap! The girl Jimmy brought over won't be around long. How do I know this you ask? It's Jimmy duh! He is afraid of commitment he hates himself and therefore doesn't think he should make women have to deal with him. I am so smart lol! But, for now I will enjoy my time with this wonderful women and our attacks on my two room mates lol!

Lately there has been an AD on TV it starts with these people reading letters to themselves the first time I saw it I thought it was for weight loss surgery, but its for someone to quit smoking. I am 3 weeks with out a smoke. I do not smoke often, I am a social smoker IE I smoke when I drink. For some reason I just have to pair up smoking and drinking. I havent had a cigarette sober in about 2 years. Where was I? O yes the letter concept. I think it would be a great idea to write myself a letter but about weight loss.

Dear Jamie,
It has been a rough ride through this life for you. You haven't had the emotional tools to deal with it though.With a mother with manic depression a bipolar sister and a father who has never been shown love. There were not many role models to show you how to handle situations in the right way. You handled it the best way you knew how and that was through food. You cut for a while as a way to not eat through your feelings. But, that just left you with scars that people could see. Fat is something that people can just decide your lazy, they do not have to associate it with emotional and mental issues. But the scars you left on your body people are not that stupid.

The yo-yo dieting has worked wonders for you hasn't it? The lowest weight I remember you being at is 220 pounds in your adult life. Just for you to go back on your binging and gain it all back. Such a brillant plan. You never bother looking at the emotional and psychological reasons for your eating. I don't mean to sound harsh here Jamie, but look at your family histroy of diabetes, your father has had 6 mini strokes and 2 heart attacks. Your mother has many food allergies, and celiac disease which you know you have. Your gonna end up sick and with heart disease if you can't knock this shit off.

You tell yourself every time that this time is going to be different your gonna keep the weight off and for good. But, woman it hasn't happened yet. I honestly, think that this time is different though. You are working on the emotional part finally, finally realized the binge eating and the emotional eating is what has gotten you here and for that I am proud of you!

1 comment:

  1. Hi!
    I just read a book called "Women, food and God" by Geneen Roth. Oprah recommended it on her show. It's pretty good. Maybe it would help.
    I binge too & often don't want to exercise, but if I just force myself out the door then I can do it. I feel better afterwards.
    I know you can do it:)