So, today's topic is Don't use yesterday's trash for tonight's dinner... Why are we using all the negative thoughts that should be in the trash in order to form our future life? Why am I in particular using everything I heard from my child hood in order to tell myself that I am not good enough for things? I don't need left overs from yesterdays meals in order to make my meals for the future! Now its time to dig through the trash:
Things I heard from relatives:
If only you lost some weight
Why do you have to be so stupid sometimes?
Learn to control yourself!
You never do anything right
You are such a slob
Really that's what you want to do with your life?
Sometimes you are stupid bitch I can't believe I put up with you.
Let him do what he wants to you you don't deserve any better. (totally whole blog on its own)
I think really these people in all their greatness were my motivators telling me I had such great potential. Other then the few who "didn't have time to help me" School was my one success as far as classes went.
You have such a pretty face only if you would loose the weight
You have such a big mouth
Why must you be so sarcastic
You can't do that
From Authority Figures:
You don't pay enough attention
You don't try hard enough
From your church:
I never really went to church I did for a long time, but so many people made me believe that I wasn't a real believer because I don't necessarily follow all the rules that church goers do. I was not as good as them.
And this is last nights trash! It needs to be taken out and thrown away I am good enough to do the things that I want I do deserve things.
Blame only allows us to stay in our problems. We need to understand why someone said something they did in order to forgive and have more compassion. I know why my parents are the way they are my father comes off as an unloving uncaring sarcastic asshole sometimes. But I also know that his parents showed him love through sarcastic humor and he was never told "I love you" it is really hard for him to do that today. My mother was one of 17 kids. She was put into foster care in her teens and was emotionally and physically abused. She never over came the trauma that it caused and the lack of control she had over her own life. In turn she tried to take that control overboard with her own children. I understand these things and I have taken a lot of time to understand the fact that they did not know any better. However the trash they put in my head still is there and while I do not blame them anymore it has proven hard to take their trash so to say and throw it away with the thought that, that is how they were raised.
The opening of this section was started by a saying that I really like and will end this blog with that:
In the infinity where I am, all is perfect, whole, and complete. I am always Divinely protected and guided. It is safe for me to look within myself. It is safe for me to look into hte past. It is safe for me to enlarge my viewpoint of life, I am far more then my personality- past, present, or future. I now choose to rise above my personality problems to recognize the magnificence of my being. I am totally willing to learn to love myself. All is well in my world.